Weird.

I loled when my best friend told me that my ex is going back out with his old ex. It made me happy cause at least he will be outta my ass. :]. Anyways I'm so pissed off at my cousin, Kevin, that it's not even funny. I wanted to go see New Moon so he promised me he would take me, well he went with someone else last weekend and then went bowling this weekend. So fuck him. :]. I wished I had money. I would go then but all of my friends have seen it and Dee wouldn't wanna go with me cause she is sick of Twilight etc etc. I think today is gonna be a shit day. I'm sick of stupid shit going on, my mom is throwing a fit and idk why. I'm so so so sick of life atm. I just said I'm gonna kill myself and no one said anything. I love the way my family loves me. I have nothing to look forward to atm. I'm hella sad and hella depressed and hella pissed and I hate stupid shit!!!!!!!! :\.

dead.

Meh. I feel like complete shit. Nothing in my life ever goes right. Something someone said to me made me realize some things. Some things that I can't let happen. My mom and I are fighting alot, I feel completely alone, still.. :\. Idk what else to say.

Ki Ga Omoi..

See.. I've been tumbling down a hill.. Straight down.. to the pits.. Does he love me still? I'm not sure of my thoughts on life at the moment.. I'm so caught up in the past that the present and possible future is clouding my judgement because I have no room for me.. I feel completely alone.. I do.. I'm not sure what is wrong with me.. I'm just so depressed that I don't know what to do.. "Just hold my hand to show some concern if I.. Live or.. Die.." Fuck.. I've been this way for about the past three weeks.. I try to hide it.. It's just got to the point where I want to explode and cry.. I don't want to feel like this anymore.. I think I need to get help.. :x.. Maybe go see someone and get some depression meds or something.. I don't know.. I'm shaking at the moment.. Sad music.. My heart is broken.. I'm not sure what to do anymore.. I havent been eating much.. I feel so hungry but I know that since I am depressed that if I eat more than a little then I will use it as my crutch.. I feel so alone.. I hate being alone.. I really need to go do my homework.. But mama just turned the light out on me.. So I guess that's work for tomorrow.. I'm gonna curl up in bed and cry.. Good night everyone.

~ToO cOoL fOr ScHoOl~

Helloo! Lol, I'm bored.. I guess I have had a good week or so.. I had the flu.. I'm a senior this year.. I was supposed to graduate last year.. I'm stressing over this stupid ass AR.. I didn't know it was cut off tomorrow.. I have like 14 chapters left in my book.. I need to finish it before tomorrow, 4th hour.. Not good.. I'm off to go read.. <3

~MeMoRy~CaTs~AnDrEw LlOyD wEbBeR~ElAiNe PaIgE~

Daylight

See the dew on the sunflower

And a rose that is fading

Roses whither away

Like the sunflower

I yearn to turn my face to the dawn

I am waiting for the day . . .

Midnight

Not a sound from the pavement

Has the moon lost her memory?

She is smiling alone

In the lamplight

The withered leaves collect at my feet

And the wind begins to moan

Memory

All alone in the moonlight

I can smile at the old days

I was beautiful then

I remember the time I knew what happiness was

Let the memory live again

Every streetlamp

Seems to beat a fatalistic warning

Someone mutters

And the streetlamp gutters

And soon it will be morning

Daylight

I must wait for the sunrise

I must think of a new life

And I musn't give in

When the dawn comes

Tonight will be a memory too

And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale cold smell of morning

The streetlamp dies, another night is over

Another day is dawning

Touch me

It's so easy to leave me

All alone with the memory

Of my days in the sun

If you touch me

You'll understand what happiness is

Look

A new day has begun

I wanna have sex with a rainbow in a bag of skittles..

Well.. I was thinking.. That I wanna have sex with a rainbow in a bag of skittles.. Then I would cum out a tasty, sweet rainbow..

Or maybe thats the shrooms talking.

Jk. I don't do shrooms.

<3

!~MeGa~DePrEsSiOn~!

I don't know what is wrong lately.. I've been so depressed.. I'm not sure.. I have an idea of what I'm upset about.. But I can't think about it.. God.. Where did I go wrong in my life so far? It all happened the day I was born, I bet. I've made bad decisions.. Here lately.. I think.. Why does it feel like almost everyone hates me..? I'm sure that the reason I'm so depressed is cause I had to make a hard choice.. I understand that a lot of people hates my ex.. He isn't as bad as I made him out to be.. I will give him that much.. But he broke me time and time again.. I'm nuts <3.. Everyone is gonna look at this and tell me im completely stupid. Yes, I love my boyfriend at this moment.. Yes I told my ex that I won't go back to him.. He's the one waiting.. I'm not sure, but some stuff he said got to me, made me think of the past.. Life is ok at the moment.. I'm just being a depressed idiot.

~H~E~L~L~

Wednesday night something horrible happened...

My ex messaged me on RuneScape... Ok, so yeah that doesn't sound so bad...

But it is. Lol.

Anyways, For the past few days he's doing every attempt to get me back... I'm with someone else and he doesn't want it to be that way, well hate to tell him.. but I'm happy where I am at now. I love being loved by Timothy, I do. I love him as well. But Chris has been trying and trying to get me back, I don't understand why though. What did I do to him to spark his interest in me. He told me it was because I was real and I wasnt fake and I was the only one that made him happy. News flash buddy... You can be happy... You don't need me... No one does really... Now if people would see it like I do then none of this would have happened. Anyways, he's been telling me all kinda shit like he can't live without me and he wants me back and that he loves me. Shit. Lol. He told me that the reason we broke up this past time is cause his Grandpa has cancer and Chris was pushing everyone away. He kept texting me and texting me. Anyways we talked on the phone last night...

He was trying all his desperate attempts to get me back...

He even had the fuckin balls to tell me he was going to kill himself. Seriously... I was freaked out... I think I upset Dee and Timothy when I told them that I was talking to him, trying to talk him out of suicide. I honestly hate that after before we hung up he told me he was just saying that for every desperate attempt to get me back. It made me so pissed off at him, and I told him that too.

Also, before we hung up he asked me to do him a favor... I said what is it... the he asked again... I knew what he was going to say, so reluctantly, I said yeah.

He asked me "Do you love him?"

I was silent..

Then he said that he wanted to hear it.

I said "I do." He started to cry and he said "What?"

Then I said "I do love him."

He started crying harder and then we hung up.

I got Timothy and Dee to three way me on the phone and we talked for a little bit then Dee decided to give Timothy his number..

I was so nervous, I didn't know what to do.

Timothy was nice to him, although he didn't have to be. I'm proud of my Love.

After three calls to Chris, I went to lay down and talk to Timothy, he talked me to sleep, as always... <3.

I woke up this morning and had four texts from Chris... They said..

"I love you. Sorry abt last night. I didn't mean it, if you really love him stay with him, im happy for you. Best of luck babygirl."

Then another one that said...

"I can't be your friend when you love somebody else, but I want you to know I'm going to wait for you, I know one day you'll realize I'm the right one for you to be with forever, have your fun with him.. I'm not going to date, only wait for my babygirl to come back.. I love you Amber. I really hope you realize before you graduate, I want you up here with me.. Let me put you thro school, and let me take care of you during it."

Well... I don't know what to think about it, I'm trying so hard not to think about it. I don't want him... I'm content and fine the way I am. Why me, I ask... Well, I guess it's cause I'm myself and that's what people like about me. I'm not sure. I'm not as great as everyone makes me out to be?

Not sure...

But whatever...

I'm off for now.

<3

xXx Ai Shiteru xXx Sabishii xXx

LovePeaceHug

..::{{AmByRaWrZ0Rz}}::..

BAN!KAI!

Sooo... Ichigo is sooo about to go Bankai... I'm watching the third season of Bleach. On episode 52, the one where Ichigo is fighting Zangetsu for his Bankai. Renji is gonna go "apeshit" HAHA (Zabimaru Reference!)! On people.. Renji is about to get his ASS kicked by Byakuya.. Fuckin prick. Anyways, enough about Bleach... Well, I'm ready to watch this fight. xD!

Next thing, My bestest friend started talking to me again. Yaii! :]

Another thing, My day was fuckin H O R R I B L E... Mama was sick this morning and I had to drive her to dialysis... Well I drove back home and then I sat around watching Bleach then I took a shower.. Well that was all good and fine until I went to go pick mama up... I started down the road and then the tire blew out... I was panicing, I called Mama and Mama was freaking out because we need two new tires... and unfortunately we can not afford two new tires for that car... Well I was freaking out and started having a panic attack. This old couple stopped right after I called mama back again and she told me that my aunt was on her way. I told the elderly couple that and I thanked them. Then this weirdo hick guy stopped.. I was scared! But I told him that I had help on the way so he left me. Well Mama sent me a text yelling at me, Lol. So we get into town and pick Mama up and she is on a R A N T from H E L L. Lol. Anyways after that my day got a bit better.

In other news! I recruited my first member to the clan! Yay!

Anywaysssss.... Off to play RuneScape!

Love you all!

Idk. Depressed.

Why is it that everytime something good happens in my life, everyone wants to either fuck something up within their life which effects me or they want to leave me. Shit. I sound emo. I guess I just need to suck it all up, huh? But with all this it's making me think of past things that have happened. I mean I've lost people.. so many people.. so many friends.. but friends come and go.. but.. what do I have? I get to stay here alone.. Lonely.. I have my family. I have my boyfriend. Only thing that's missing are my friends.. I guess I'm not very understanding. Also, my boyfriend has a temper, not with me, but it was crazy cause that was the first time I saw him that mad, last night. Meh. The only people who have been talking to me lately are Timothy, Josh, Jeff, and the people from the clan when I'm in there. Jenny talked to me yesterday, and Kacee talks daily. So why am I still depressed? :( Well.. I just feel so lonely.. Has anyone ever lost a best friend before and then get another.. one that hasn't tried to walk out yet. Then they want to stop talking to you for about two weeks. Just to test themselves. I just don't understand. I guess that I'm just not that way. But yeah, we haven't been talking much cause, well, she has work and college. I have school and I have to sleep at night so I can get up early. It's usually late at night when we were able to talk. When neither of us were busy. I don't know. I just know that I have to get ready for school. It's 6:45. The bus will be here soon.. I guess my Love is still asleep.. Good.. He needs it.. Well.. Off to another day of pure Hell. Talk soon. <3

Music: I'm sorry I am- brokeNCYDE

Mood: Meh. Blah. Depressed.

Book: Newww Mooooooon.

..::{{AmByRaWrZ0Rz}}::..

One True Tale

Alright, this poem I had to write for English class... It's like Anglo-Saxon style poetry with kennings and alliteration. I hope you all enjoy it.

One True Tale

This tale is true, and mine.

I was lost, traveling through time.

A hand reached to me,

Grabbing my battered heart.

The calm of my seas,

He called out to me.

Stopping my inner parade of death,

He grabbed me and pulled me from

The far depths of my mind.

Only the jewels of the sky knew,

What our friendship brought us to.

Smiling at last, with no pain.

The warmth of love fills my veins.

Sweet summer stars show what is ours,

Two hearts collide into one true tale.

Written By: Amber August Harvey    

By the way, Dee, I know you will read this.. I took the one you told me to use. <3

I hope you all enjoyed!

Sorta Upset.

Meh... I'm sorry... I feel like complete shit...

Ugh...

I feel like I wanna cry -_-

Yer. I'm being emo.

But it sucks when someone you love is mad at you.

... Laterr ...

Ai Shiteru

Morning!

I got a call from my Love this morning.

He should be leaving Chicago soon to head back to Kentucky.

I miss him.

<3

Kimi ni Aitakute : Gackt

kimi ni aitakute

dare yori mo aitakute

mou ichido kono te o tsunaide hoshii

kono heya ni mada okiwasureta

kimi no omokage o sagashiteiru yo

me o tojireba ima mo kimi ga

soba ni iru you na ki ga shite

itsuka wa atarimae no you ni

wakare ga kuru koto

wakatteita no ni

kimi ni aitakute

dare yori mo aitakute

wasureru koto nante

deki ya shinai kara

kimi ga mienakute

nando mo kizutsuketa keredo

mou ichido kono te o tsunaide hoshii

deatta shunkan ni koi ni ochite

omowazu kimi o dakishimeteita

sonna boku ni warainagara

"baka ne" to karuku kisu o shite...

daremo ga deai to wakare no naka de

tashika na ai ni

kizuiteiku

kimi ni aitakute

dare yori mo aitakute

hajimete kimi ni atta

hoshizora no shita de

kimi ni tsutaetai

todokanai omoi demo

boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru

itsuka wa atarimae no you ni

wakare ga kuru koto

wakatteita no ni

kimi ni aitakute

dare yori mo aitakute

wasureru koto nante

deki ya shinai kara

kimi no tame nara

sou kimi no tame nara...

mou ichido kono te o tsunaide hoshii

itsumo tsunaida te wa atatakakatta

 

(Translation)

 

I want to see you

I want to see you more than anyone

Once more, I want you to hold my hand

I'm looking for vestages of your presence

still left over in this room

If I close my eyes, even now

I can almost feel you next to me

I always took it for granted

Even though I knew

that we would part

I want to see you

I want to see you more than anyone

I simply cannot

forget about you

I cannot see you

I've hurt you so many times, but

Once more, I want you to hold my hand

The moment we met, I fell in love

and without thinking, I hugged you

You laughed at me and said

"You silly" and gently kissed me...

From the time they meet until the time they part

No one realizes

true love

I want to see you

I want to see you more than anyone

The first time I met you

underneath the starry sky

I want to tell you

about the feelings that haven't reached you

My heart is still searching for you

I always took it for granted

Even though I knew

that we would part

I want to see you

I want to see you more than anyone

I simply cannot

forget about you

If it's for you

Yes, if it's for you...

Once more, I want you to hold my hand

Your hand held in mine was always warm

☮♥ The Power of Love Overcomes the Love of Power. ♥ ☮

☮♥ The Power of Love Overcomes the Love of Power. ♥ ☮

DEE.ESS. IS THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS...

PEE.ESS. (WE GOT DICKS LIKE JESUS)

pl0x.

Ily Dee <3

Ai Shiteru Oneesan

Sabishii <3

<3

Bout Mehh.

Well let's see... About meee... I'm Amber.. I'm 18. I've had my fair share of hurt in the past. I love my boyfriend, Timothy.

I love my sister/best friend, Dee.

I have alot of friends... online... lol.

I play RuneScape.

I love gaming.

I love anime.

I love manga.

I love the Japanese culture.

I love Facebook. (LOL!)

Idk..

I'm not sure what is interesting about me.

<3

-TiCkTiCk-

I'm kinda upset :x

I miss my boyfriend.

:x

I'm worried about him...

I won't be able to sleep tonight...

:x til I hear him...

<3

I love you TLF <3

Yer. -TiCkTiCk-

I miss the hell outta my boyfriend...

Like.. yer..

Teehee..

Sabishii anata.

ai shiteru